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I’d like to preface this article with a brief note:
This article is purely satirical and for entertainment purposes only.
Now that that’s out of the way, let us begin shall we?
If you go to the gym around the same time each day that you go, you are bound to keep seeing the same people who, like yourself, are in midst of their daily routine.
Among these similar humans that you see on the daily (assuming you go to the gym 4-5 or 6-7 days a week), you have your stereotypical top 4 people that every other person in the world who works out at the same time a day, every day, sees as well.
They are as follows:
1. The Obnoxiously Loud Grunter/Weight Dropper!
I’ve actually jumped out of my skin mid-set before because I was within the quarter-mile radius of this dude who was bench pressing million pound dumbbells until his boulder like arms couldn’t do it anymore and drops them to get relief from the strain.
Combine this with loud “UMMMPPHHS” and you’ve got yourself your very own Spotify “Sounds of the Gym” radio station. Who needs headphones?
2. The Sweater… And NOT The Clothing Kind!
Everyone has “that guy” who sweats all over everything and then doesn’t mop it up with a towel. Rude…gross…and unsanitary. I mean.
Need I say more? Nope.
3. The Crazy Exercise Workout Buff!
This guy or gal is over in the corner or sometimes in the middle of everyone pulling the world’s craziest jumpy lungey squatty exercises that you have never SEEN IN YOUR LIFE.
You’re in awe…
but you are secretly jealous of them because they are shredded so whatever they are doing is clearly working. You try one of these crazy burpee push up jump looking maneuvers the next time you’re at the gym (not near said person of course).
You fail at it. You never try that nameless exercise again.
4. The Elderly Lady Who Still Wears Just A Sports Bra!
I mean, get on with your bad self, grandma.
Good for you for having the confidence for sporting such a bold fashion statement. All I’m saying is that even the girl over there with the 6-pack is wearing a full length shirt…so maybe you should as well.
In short, you are not the only one who mentally battles these demons regularly.
Embrace the routine and the people who are randomly involved in it.
Also, maybe bring an extra towel to the gym next time to compensate for sweaty dude’s lack thereof.